A Reading of the Cursed Child
by WitandAmbition
Summary: Examines the fallacies and lack of logic in the play. Warning: much sarcasm. Might be considered bashing. Not for fans of the Cursed Child.


**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. I make no claims to ownership.**

Notes: I keep on coming back to stories like this because I just have so many negative feelings about this play.

* * *

Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first of September was crisp as an apple, and as the little family bobbed across the rumbling road toward the great sooty station, the fumes of car exhausts and the breath of pedestrians sparkled like cobwebs in the cold air. Two large cages tattled on top of the laden trolleys the parents were pushing; the owls inside them hooted indignantly, and the redheaded girl trailed fearfully behind her brothers, clutching her father's arm.

* * *

"Sorry," said the narrator. "There's already been a correction to the set scene. Let's fix that."

* * *

The laden trolleys were being pushed by two boys, James Potter and his younger brother, Albus. Their mother, Ginny, followed behind them, and their father, Harry, has his daughter, Lily, on his shoulders.

* * *

"That's odd," the narrator commented. "Most men don't carry their nine-year-old children. I guess it's to prove that Harry's physically strong, too."

* * *

"Dad, he keeps saying it," Albus whined.

"James, give it a rest," Harry ordered.

Grinning at his brother, James said, "I only said he might be…" Harry glared at him. "Fine."

* * *

The narrator squinted at the script. "Huh. Here's another deviation. James was supposed to say, 'There's nothing wrong with that.' I liked that part; it showed that a person's house didn't matter anymore, and emphasized that the wizarding world had recovered… And Ginny, aren't you supposed to correct James?"

She shrugged carelessly. "I just let Harry do whatever he wants."

Slightly troubled, the narrator returned to the story, privately thinking that was a sign of a bad relationship.

* * *

Albus looked up at his mother. "You'll write to me, won't you?"

* * *

"Wait," the narrator interrupted his own reading. "That was the _only_ time Albus showed a Slytherin's cunning in the entire epilogue, and they removed it."

"What are you talking about?" asked Ginny.

The narrator took out a copy of _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_. "See? Albus waited until James had disappeared before asking that."

"Who cares?" said James impatiently. "Just get on with the story."

Frowning, the narrator skimmed the next lines. The narrator glanced accusingly at Harry and Ginny, who had switched lines again, and decided to emphasize James' feelings by skipping ahead.

* * *

"Can we go now, please?" asked James.

Albus glanced up uncertainly at his mother and father.

"All you have to do is walk straight at the wall between platforms nine and ten," Ginny told him.

* * *

"What? How does he not know about the barrier? Did he not go to drop James off at the train? Or Teddy?"

"Of course not," said Harry. "Who cares about James? He's just my first-born child, but Albus here is special: He's my clone."

"Who's Teddy?" asked Ginny.

* * *

"I'm so excited," said Lily.

* * *

"Do people actually say that?" the narrator wondered aloud. "Man, the people in this story speak so stiffly."

Teddy leaned over to get a look. "And why is _she_ excited? She's not going to Hogwarts. Originally she was sniffling because of that."

Lily screamed and pointed wildly at Teddy. "Mummy! Daddy! There's a strange man here!"

* * *

"I'm ready," said Albus.

* * *

"Okay… Good to know."

* * *

Harry and Lily put their hands on Albus' trolley, and Ginny joined James' trolley. Together, the family ran hard into the barrier.

* * *

"You know, I always thought of James as the Slytherin," the narrator confided. "This scene showed him as confident and independent. And it would make more sense, since he was the oldest and had the most pressure on him."

"Or he could be forced into the Gryffindor mold with all of those expectations, and grow resentful," Teddy pointed out.

"Oh, yeah. I hope they explore that."

"They don't," said Hugo.

James stared at him incredulously. "Who are you?"

Hearing that last part, the narrator suddenly felt a sense of dread.

* * *

The platform was covered in thick white steam pouring from the Hogwarts Express. It was just as busy as the other side of the barrier, but instead of people in sharp suits going about their day, it was now wizards and witches in robes mostly trying to work out how to say good-bye to their beloved progeny.

* * *

"Except for James," said Harry happily. "We don't really care about him."

"That's why Albus and Lily haven't been to the platform before," Ginny explained.

* * *

"Where are they?" demanded Lily. "Are they here? Maybe they didn't come?"

Harry pointed out Ron, Hermione, and their daughter, Rose. Lily ran hard up to them.

"Uncle Ron. Uncle Ron!" she shouted.

Ron turned toward them as Lily went barreling up to him. He picked her up into his arms. "If it isn't my favorite Potter," he said.

* * *

"Dad's strong like Uncle Harry," observed Hugo.

The narrator frowned. "Aren't you supposed to be there, too?"

Hugo shrugged. "I don't really matter."

James huffed. "Uncle Ron is _my_ godfather, and he just ignored me."

"This is worse than fanfiction," the narrator muttered.

"Skip the next part," Teddy advised. "It just establishes that Rose is a brat and Ron is lame."

* * *

"Dad…" Albus pulled on Harry's robes, and Harry looked down. "Do you think — what if I am — what if I'm put in Slytherin…"

"And what would be wrong with that?" Harry asked.

"Slytherin is the House of the snake, of Dark Magic… It's not a House of brave wizards."

"Albus Severus," Harry said sternly, "you were named after two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew."

* * *

"Oh, not this again," the narrator groaned.

"At least it sticks to the epilogue," said Teddy.

* * *

"If it matters to you, _you,_ the Sorting Hat will take your feelings into account," said Harry.

"Really?" asked Albus doubtfully.

"It did for me."

This was something Harry had never said before, and he paused as it resonated around his head a moment.

* * *

"He never told you, either?" the narrator asked Ginny. "The book said he never told his other children, but to not tell his wife..."

She shrugged again. The narrator was really starting to have doubts about the couple's communication abilities.

* * *

"Hogwarts will be the making of you, Albus. I promise you, there is nothing to be frightened of there."

"Apart from the Thestrals," said James. "Watch out for the Thestrals."

* * *

"I'm back!" James cried gleefully.

"You disappear again," Hugo told him. "Mum and Rose have to take over yours and Aunt Ginny's lines. I don't know why. The actors were already there…"

* * *

"Okay, then," Albus said. "Bye."

He climbed on board. Hermione, Ginny, Ron, and Harry stood watching the train as whistles blew up and down the platform.

"They're going to be okay, right?" asked Ginny fretfully.

"Hogwarts is a big place," Hermione mused.

* * *

"That doesn't answer the question," the narrator pointed out.

* * *

"Big. Wonderful. Full of food," Ron said dreamily. "I'd give anything to be going back."

"Strange, Al being worried he'll be sorted into Slytherin," said Harry.

* * *

"Oh, yes, very strange," the narrator said sarcastically. "Not like James teased him all summer. Nope, not at all."

"That's it!" Hugo ripped the script from the narrator's hands and threw it at the wall. "There's more to Dad's character than just eating all the time!"

"Why do you care?" said James grumpily. "It's not like we exist."

Hugo swung around and pointed at him. "Exactly! None of us exist except for Albus. Even Lily disappears after this! The favoritism is _disgusting_. This is supposed to be a story about family, and we aren't even there!"

The narrator sighed and decided a break was for the best. At this point, it was unclear if they would ever be able to finish the play.


End file.
